"I Do" Déjà-vu

Sheryl A. Garman

President of Perfect Weddings, LLC

Has Cupid's arrow struck again and you have agreed to marry your new love? Or, have you realized that your loving spouse is the person you want to marry all over again? Planning an encore wedding or vow renewal ceremony can be a daunting task for couples who are unsure of the rules of etiquette for these two very different occasions.

If you are remarrying, children should be told of your plans first, followed by your parents, your ex-spouses, relatives and friends. An announcement in the newspaper is appropriate along with an engagement party hosted by family, friends or you. Registering is recommended, even if you do not want gifts. Some guests will want to give gifts and appreciate guidance. Where you are registered should be shared verbally when requested. Because you should never assume an invited guest is required to bring a gift, it is considered improper for registry information to appear anywhere in writing. Be prepared to assume responsibility for all costs associated with the festivities, although family members and friends may offer financial assistance.

Inviting ex-spouses and former in-laws to your wedding might cause stress for your children and other family members or friends. Unless you have a special relationship with them, think twice before committing to an invitation.

Whether you are divorced or widowed, legal documents will be required by the Clerk of Courts in order for you to obtain a marriage license. Contact the courthouse in the county where you will be married to ensure you obtain the proper information regarding these documents. Religious organizations' requirements vary, so ask your officiant for guidance to ensure your marriage is recognized by them.

Vow renewal ceremonies are not considered second weddings and should not be treated as such unless you are marrying a spouse that you previously divorced. It is inappropriate to register for gifts and you should expect to pay all ceremony and party costs involved.

Children should be asked if they would like to participate in the wedding or vow renewal ceremony. Walking the bride up the aisle, standing with the couple at the altar or reading a poem can be options given. It is not necessary to have attendants at either event, however children can act as bridal party members.

Since renewing your vows is not legally binding, a family member or friend can perform the

ceremony. When writing your vows, ask your family members and friends for their thoughts on how they see the love you share with your spouse and include their comments to give that personal touch to your day.

When planning your reception or party, make sure you know your budget, guest count and style before signing any contracts with venues or vendors. If you have never planned an event, chances are you may forget to include necessary costs. Hiring a wedding consultant can be a saving grace to you in this regard. Not only can the consultant save you money by negotiating contracts to keep you in budget, she will save you precious time by contacting venues and vendors for you who will perform services within your budget and in your style. The best time to hire a wedding consultant is in the beginning of the planning process, enabling the consultant the opportunity to guide you in the right direction from the start and to ensure you don't make costly mistakes.

Having fun with your spouse, children, relatives and friends should be your focus, so once you have everything in place and your day finally arrives, do your best to relax and enjoy it. Consider giving up managing the details to a professional wedding consultant who will look after your best interests and make sure the day flows smoothly while keeping your vision of your day just that - yours!

Sheryl A. Garman is the President of Perfect Weddings, LLC, located in Berwyn, PA. For more information, please call 610-296-6300 or visit their website at www.perfectweddings.tv. Perfect Weddings is honored to have been recently chosen in the 2006 Main Line Times Readers' Choice Awards as "Best Wedding Consultant".